Deleting SPAM

No, I'm not talking about canned meat here!!!

While checking my emails one of my "spam" folder headlines read: "Life is short - Have an affair"
*GASP* WHAT??!!!! I clicked to UNSUBSCRIBE and there was NO link, NO email, NO return to sender, NO way to get that OFF my computer. I deleted it, but it was still there! I'm still on that random list that I might see it again. UNBELIEVABLE!!! Of course, there was all kinds of other nasty, sexual, GROSS spam emails but this one hit me first. It hit me like a fast ball w/ no bat to swing at it.

Yes, I believe that life is short. HOWEVER!!!!!! that does not mean that it's a valid excuse to have an affair! What the heck?!!! I'd love to have a TRUE love experience - not an affair. There's no love in that!!! Ok Ok Ok.. Some of you are saying, "what about so n so & so n so that were sneaking around behind so n so's back & they're married & happy now?" Hmm.. ok.. How about "God is their judge-NOT ME!" I won't deny that extra-marital affairs are wrong. They're destructive, deceitful, and just wrong.  If two individuals eventually make things right and are happily together after a hellish mess - LET THEM BE! **I know several happy couples that found each other thru nasty divorces because of their affairs.** If it continues to bother you then you need to evaluate your friendship status with them. They don't deserve to have negative / down the nose looking judgmental so-called friends in their life anymore than you do. It's ok to speak your concerns & opinions but when you push to anger / incite harm -- that's crossing the line. That's SPAM too!!!! Time to delete the SPAM! Get rid of it. Distance yourself from those drama filled / anger inciting situations that cause harm for any party involved. Just do it! Do you really think Jesus would stand there-getting in someone's face-wagging his finger at that?! NO! He'd calmly tell them what they're doing wrong and leave it to them to decide what they wanted to do about it. He'd LOVE them! He'd FORGIVE them! Duh.

God only knows how hard relationships have been for me in the past. I've fallen too hard, too fast, and for the wrong reasons. Physical was a priority in my 20s. I feel incredible shamed saying that. God forgive me for being so stupid! I used to confuse kind words & physical attraction for love. Please.. again.. God forgive me! Over the past few years, I feel as though God's been molding me to somehow, perhaps, maybe find the one that could truly be "the one." I'm not holding my breath but in the event God would bring me someone that could love me as an equal, as a companion worthy of love, respect, and decency in a way that God would approve & shower blessings on to the point we'd be married; I certainly would NOT want to desecrate that union w/ SPAM! I'd expect the same from my partner.

I don't even feel like the same person anymore. The past is so foreign to me it's hard to believe some of the seriously DUMB stuff I did b/c I was so warped in the head / heart. God forgive me. 1st & 2nd marriage I wasn't in the right mind or heart set for the seriousness of the vows. The 3rd one I was but with the wrong person. . REALLY wrong person. Towards the end, it wasn't love driving me. It was determination. I was determined NOT to have another divorce. God, however, had other plans. He certainly changed my life, my way of thinking / feeling, and my outlook for the future after that one.

Often times in life, I've identified w/ the Samaritan woman at the well speaking with Jesus. (*John Chapter 4:1-42*) The story rings LOUD & CLEAR in my mind & heart.  Jesus speaks to her with love & truth. He already knew her and her many 'husbands' and the role she'd play in bringing more people to Him & His Father. I've many times wondered what happened to her afterwards. Did she marry & be happy & blessed in the Lord or did she remain celibate, "married to Jesus" (so to speak), or what??!!! One of the questions I plan to ask once I find my way "home" and get my chance before Jesus. In this day & age, dating often includes sexual activity. Many people claim it's because the heart wants what it wants.. but if you're active w/ someone that you don't deem worthy of marriage well.. then it's your body wanting what it wants - NOT YOUR HEART.  It's SPAM!!! Delete it!

The past few years have been interesting in the love/romance/relationship department for me. You can pretty much say I've let myself get in too deep, too fast, and put the cart before the horse. I miss some aspects the friendships I had with some of the guys I dated, however, through reflection and deeper inspection, I'm certain that the friendships were about as strong as the "relationship" - a little stronger than a spider web but definitely not chain.. somewhere along the lines of nylon rope -- easily burned.  I'm no longer concerned about it. I pray God make me the woman He needs me to be. If there's a guy out there that God wants me to be with forever - He'll make it known. I'll be shocked/surprised but gloriously happy!! The kind of relationship that God provides so both partners grown and learn from each other, support and love each other, and .. ah dang.. I'm getting weepy at the beautiful thought of it. I'll stop there.

Doggone SPAM!
Who knew, huh?!