If each year of our lives is a chapter in our book.. Guess that makes this chapter 34/35. It's a transitioning chapter. HA HA!
Being raised up in the country with my dairy farming grandparents raising up a farm girl for a mother & an avid outdoors men for a father has really laid the ground work for who I am today. I'm proud of who I am. God has molded me into a pretty interesting person. I feel confident and strong. **now that I'm getting over a little huddle of whatever it was that was dragging me down and making me a grouch for a week** I think I've finally reached a point in my life when I'm the happiest I've ever been. I'm fully equipped with the proper tools, confidence, and faith to survive anything. I believe it. Aside from the occasional attempt from Satan to drag me down - I think I'm doing alright. My children are fed, clothed, and being educated. My parents and I have never been this close and get along so well. I have a great job, great co-workers, and I live in a community where people actually get to know each other (sometimes too well haha!) and are friendly. I am happy. It's awesome! However, in life I know there's always room for improvement or betterment. After being sick for a week, I lacked any ambition to workout / diet. I just kinda ... let myself go.. I know I'm going to have to work even harder if I'm actually going to achieve the goal of losing 100 lbs this year. I want to do it in like 5-6 months so.. yeah.. I better get cracking. LOL ! (*but not today*) I finally have a little vacation time coming which I'm BEYOND excited for this month. I plan on working EVERY DAY on myself, the house, and on LIFE. I'm working on a new morning routine. I've been slacking lately because of being sick & sleepy. I want to start each morning with 10 minutes of Bible study, 10 minutes of stretching, and then 30 minutes of exercise - BEFORE I get "up" and ready for work or whatever. So, if I have to wake at 4 a.m. - expect my bedtime to get a little earlier. LOL!
MY VACATION TO DO LIST:
1 > Walk to Boop's & get my fishing license renewed. Price check .357s, 30.06, and 12 gauges. Check for tanning supplies such as a skinning knife. . Ask about if my hunting license is still on file or if I'll need to re-take the course to get my license this year. (small game, buck, doe, and bear are what I'm after) Heck, I'd probably try turkey hunting too if given the chance. Heard it's pretty dang exciting AND I do have an uncle that's proficient at it. He's been on WNEP a few times even. LOL
2 > GUT the kid's bedrooms. Get rid of all clothes that don't fit. Wipe down the walls, throw out anything that is no longer needed or usable. Organize & Dust & get them more space of their own. Figure out a way to create space for my own dresser / drawers / etc so I don't have to use Lily's room as a shared space anymore.
3 > Living room . . . clean. Purchase / hang the curtain petitions. Make my corner more 'my own'.
4 > Learn / practice / research better guitar playing technique. Tabs - solos - etc. If I just keep strumming and don't try to change or evolve my skills.. how will I ever KNOW for sure that it's as good as I'm going to get ? ?
Wow. That's a pretty simple list. I'm really looking forward to it.
It's going to be nice to have time to really LIVE and RELAX and enjoy being the person God has brought me into being.
I'm 34 now. Older and wiser. I have 2 teenage children. YIKES!! My son has Autism so every day is a great opportunity for practicing patience. My daughter.. well.. she's a special need all her own. Some days she's a happy go lucky "Trooper" who can tolerate just about anything. Her flip side is this dramatic, over thinking, over powering stubborn and wrong headed girl that just says and does some of the dumbest things. Sometimes I get so angry with her because it HURTS me to think she THINKS these things. I can't understand it. Ah. . puberty. Thank God!!!! I don't remember much from those years. I remember them being horrible but details.. are a little fuzzy in translation. Must be from all the drugs and alcohol over there years that I attempted to kill the pain. It's probably for the best I don't remember anyway. L O L !!!
Work has been stable. Working full time doesn't leave a whole lot of room for extras, but thanks to my parents, family, Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, and some friends - we do manage to get out sometimes. Sometimes it stings to see folks getting out / about enjoying themselves, knowing I can't, but I'm happy for them just the same. I've learned to swallow that jagged little pill.
Guess the only sensitive issue I have these days has been about my lack of companionship. I am by nature a very social creature, however lately my trust circle is so tight. Really! Socially, I'm a hermit. I have FB which keeps me connected but otherwise my only REAL social outlet is work. I've been trying to practice the art of keeping to myself. I've been keeping a good deal of my personal life out of work and off of FB (at least the gory details and refraining from involving myself in drama). I mean, FB is awesome for keeping in touch but I really don't expect anyone to feel the need to talk to me everyday. I limit what I tell my parents also. I'm an adult now. They no longer should be burdened with troubling details. I should be able to sort them out myself, right? ! (God willing) There's really only been one person lately that has been a greater friend than I ever expected. God told me to reach out a hand of friendship and I actually acted on it. I could have ignored it or chickened out. (*So glad I didn't!!!*) I've come to rely on that friendship. Some days I worry that maybe I rely too much. I have tried to back off and it just doesn't feel right. It feels unnatural to ignore someone that has slowly become one of the most trusted friends I've ever had. I mean, seriously! From minute #1 I've been myself and there's NEVER been any trouble whatsoever or the feeling that I needed to act / be a certain way in order to impress or change to fit their standards.
There is a problem though. It's a man friend. People get confused. I actually have a co-worker that INSISTS that he's supposed to be more. On days I actually tell her about an 'adventure' we've had - she gets all gushy and starts talking about how she & her husband got together and how she sees a lot of me in her and how she hopes that "this could really work out for you, April. Bless your heart." *gag* -- I really resist the urge to boldly tell her to "shut up" and "stop that". I'm really trying to live a life w/out being influenced by media, people, or anything that can distract the whisper of God. God told me to be friends. I'm doing that in the best way I know how.
Another "problem". . I've made no active effort to be in a relationship. People don't seem to understand that. Ya see, I'm single. I'm not dating. I'm not looking. I'm not walking around in a depressed state of loneliness and desperation thinking I'm nothing w/out a man in my life. I'm reminded of my grandmother (Dad's mom). When she was married or involved with a man- she had much more confidence in herself. Heck, she even started coming to church b/c of a man she was involved with. She stood up and professed her renewal of inviting Jesus into her heart. AMAZING! Guess what happened as soon as they stopped seeing each other.. BLAMMM! She stopped coming and she changed. She was depressed and lonely and didn't value her life or held any self-esteem at all!!! I don't want to be like that. I don't want people to notice ANY difference in me whether I'm single or dating or married or whatever! I want to be the SAME person no matter what!!! Does that make any sense? It does to me.
At this point in life - I honestly just keep pluggin away. I don't have a single clue what the other chapters are going to hold, but I know God's writing this book and I look forward to what's in store- whatever it may be. <3
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