Full Moons.. *sigh*

So.... yesterday I saw 'him'. Twice. I never would have guessed that this would be like this.. he said he's not ready for a relationship and just quit talking to me. I guess maybe I should get over it.. move on.. and I'm fighting the idea that he's not into me anymore because he's found someone else. IDK.. I don't want to be that kind of woman. Anyway.. so.. emotions welled up inside me, heart was POUNDING! and I just couldn't help but release it.. right there.. at work.. *sigh* silly me.

So I came home and FINALLY got to cleaning. NOOOO I mean CLEANING! I took a bucket, a rag, and some lovely febreze infused Mr. Clean AND!!!! scrubbed down walls, moved furniture, wiped it all down.. and re-arranged the living room and dining room. ahhh that feels better..

Not really.. I couldn't sleep very well last night.. stupid full moons.. I love them, especially when it's cold out like last night .. BEAUTIFUL & when you breath in the CRISP air almost cuts your lungs.. LOVE IT!!! I can't help but wonder and ask .. God.. I'm swamped with praying for others everyday.. and thanks to the experience of dating someone, liking them, and getting .. well.. ditched.. I'm just curious where it is You want me to go and do next?!

Should I revert to the thinking that I don't deserve a relationship?
Should I consider dating & relationships to be a distraction?
Should I find forget about it forever?

you see.. I'm the kind of person that gets filled with curiosity and when things are left unanswered I get... 'funny'.. I get.. silly.. and I start running around hap-hazard.. basically like a chicken w/ its head cut off. I don't know what to do so I just busy myself with so much other things that I think I won't run into the same kind of issue again. LIKE: cleaning my house, ignoring my phone, facebook, and thinking of taking a job in a office cubicle where I don't have to talk to or see ppl ever again.

I know that some of my friends like to say things like...

"there is someone out there pining for you just as much as you are pining for him."
"Your time will come and you will have a love like you've never known."
"you deserve so much better & it will come. You just need to keep waiting."

etc etc etc etc etc...

Well.. I hate to say it.. but let's get real here. Those things are FED into us via cheesy stupid romance movies (which I love) and we just EAT IT UP! Men know exactly what to say to us to get us hooked and then WHAMM~O!! their true selves are revealed and they just don't think or care the same way we do. NEVER will any mortal man live up to the standards of LOVING, PROVIDING, CARING, FORGIVING, and EVERYTHING ELSE as my Jesus does. He's all I need. AND if He is all I have for the rest of my life, then I know I've been taken care of by the B E S T !

So.. I'm back to where I started.. but it's a NEW YEAR so.. anything can happen. I'm excited for the changes happening in other's lives.. friends are getting married, having babies, and moving to bigger and better homes, jobs, and more.. I'm proud of them, HAPPY for them, and wish them the BEST (and will continue to PRAY for them) as I have done so from the start...

so.. for the "don't you think you deserve to share in the excitement for that kind of happiness too?" question

I only have one reply::::::

"Eh, I really don't know about that.. God will provide for me if HE thinks I need it. In the meantime, I'm happy with what He brings into my life and sharing the joys of others is just fine with me."

On and On..

Well, Christmas was awesome! Only there was a sadness mixed in with the whole joyous chaos....

 Here's the timeline.. on Saturday - the guy I was dating couldn't make it for our date.. no biggie.. I was worried about him. We talked on Sunday.. set up a breakfast date on Wed. I was EXCITED!!!

On Monday, I got the news that my Pap Wagner has lymphoma--to be treated IMMEDIATELY. *sigh*

So here I go.. into the week feeling emotional and unsure of ANYTHING.. and I got not one reply to any message I sent to my 'guy'. Hmmmmmm--- Wednesday I had off and was showered, dressed, and ready for my breakfast date w/ him.. ready to escape from the emotions and embrace some happiness & butterflies..

He never showed. No text. No call. "Oh well," I said.. "He just had to work that's all." I sent him a few messages asking if something was wrong and what's up, etc.. nothing.. Hmmmmmm

So... Onward we go.. I'm praying CONSTANTLY!!! I have several friends that got engaged, married, and are pregnant and making all kinds of lovely announcements.. plus many that need prayers of healing for many illnesses and depression and relationship issues etc etc the list is ENDLESS.  God is in control and knows the needs.. Let Him take control and His will be done AMEN.

So finally!!! Christmas Eve candlelight service @ Montandon.. AWESOME!!! I spent the night at Mom & Dad's.. Christmas morning service @ Montandon.. FANTASTIC. Then we had lunch at my Dad's parents.. My Pap looked good, was in great spirits, and said an AWESOME heartfelt and personal prayer.. made me well up w/ emotion. His faith has taken LEAPS and BOUNDS over the years and I honestly believe he knows JESUS and the LOVE He has for him... Still.. Pap looked a little pale.. and I prayed in my heart that he will be strong and that Jesus will help him fight.

I needed a distraction.. I sent "Merry Christmas" to my guy... nothing... for a while... then.. I got my answer... It's over.. He isn't ready for a relationship.. *sigh* danngit!!!! I let myself give too much too soon and scared him off. WAY TO GO ME!!!! *smacks head*

The next few days have been a bit of a blur. I'm tired. I'm emotional. I feel a bit heartbroken, but ok.. I know & can be confident that I AM READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP. Now.. the right one just has to come into my life.... *sigh*

I hear songs about love on the radio and I get a little weepy.. I enjoyed my time dating this guy. He is nice, interesting, and seriously broke down some of the stereotypes about men that I had built up. It's not his fault. It's not mine. It's just not the right time or place right now. I accept that.. and I'm excited for my next opportunity w/ someone..

So.. for Christmas my Mom got me a new computer.. so you guys are stuck w/ me posting annoying things on Facebook and BLOGGING!!!!! :) Much love <3 and prayers to you all.