and the list keeps growing...

I feel so selfish being so emotional and filled w/ all kinds of thoughts...

The list of folks to pray for keeps growing and growing.. It saddens me. I am worried that 2012 will not just be a year filled w/ excitement such as weddings and babies.. but I worry about the grief it may bring too. I know that if God brings you to it, He'll bring you thru it.. It's hard to be thankful when people you know and love are in pain.

Here is what my list of DAILY prayers contains.....

Dad~ been having issues w/ stomach and feeling sick.
Gpa Walter~ tumor on kidney, needs removal.
Pap Wagner~ lymphoma cancer, taking chemo and getting over pnemonia
Ken R~ support in prayer for life & being supportive to Pap W.
Rose G ~ kidney tumor & the options to come.

I have several friends that I pray for daily, for different reasons.. those I'll withhold names because they're too numerous to list.. AND I get a DAILY list from my friend / brother Butch Woolsey w/ others that I pray for on the spot.

Weddings being planned for 2012 and 2013~~ joyous and blessed!
Babies being born in 2012.. AND those trying!!! <3
*Monica, Becca, Marlene* Jen had her baby :)

I pray for the guy I dated in Dec. I hope that life is treating him well and that he continues to grow and be well. **to which I saw him today. I was just the same as always w/ him. it's so hard to think that he dropped me like a hot potato. I even said to myself, "why are u nice to him?" and I heard "because what would Jesus do?" sigh.. maturity. sucks sometimes!**


I pray for my parents.. my children.. my co-workers & their families. There is a lot of people that I pray for that I've met through my job and where I live.. I pray for the widow of John Weaver, she's a sweetheart and her life has changed drastically. I pray for my neighbor, dealing w/ losing her husband just before Christmas. There's been many tragedies in da'burg lately and I pray for the friends and families involved..

I pray for the EMTs, nurses, doctors, and the surgeons that God guides their hands, hearts, and minds.

I pray for our military ~ bring them home safely and let them know they are loved and appreciated.

I also pray for the government.. a big change is in order and I pray that God intercedes and starts righting the wrongs and putting people in that will be JUST and FAIR instead of corrupt and greedy.

These are just scratching the surface! At any given moment I'll remember someone I've forgotten and ask God to watch over them.. I ask for forgiveness for being so stupid and selfish and so human.. I forget what I'm here for and what God wants me to do gets clouded by the wickedness around me.. and I get sad. I can only imagine how God must feel when we turn our backs on Him.. sad times infinity! I pray I never turn my back on Him ever again. I'd be hopelessly lost w/out Him.

Rant.. Rave.. and Inspire!!!

Just want to put this out there to those of you going thru something that MIGHT cripple you into believing that it will never get any better... several years ago the WORST thing ever!!!! happened to me & my family. I made a decision, loved someone blindly and SERIOUSLY took my family to the edge of DESTRUCTION because of it..  did this stop me from living? or trying to better the quality of life around me & my children? Did it stop me from believing in my GOD~ my Savior! the one that rescued me from the darkest time of our lives?! NO!!!! is my life much better now?! YES!!!! do I still have hope ?? YES!!!! Would I recognize a bad situation like that if it ever tried to happen again ? YES!!!!! It's up to US!!! God gives us FREE WILL for a reason because He wants US to be STRONG in HIM and have faith in Him and OURSELVES to LEARN!!!!!! from our mistakes and shortcomings in life and do EVERYTHING we can to fix it and RELY on God's help & blessings to accomplish it. Yes, I've been married 3 times.. Yes, I've been divorced 3 times.. YES I've been born again many times.. Yes, I've had ups / downs w/ my family, friends, and co-workers.. DOES THAT STOP ME FROM MOVING ON?! NO!!!!!!!! Life will hand us some of the crappiest things because Satan is trying to keep us from doing what God wants us to do.. I'm sorry Satan, but you've lost this battle NOW AND ALWAYS WILL!!!! Jesus died for me, shed blood & sacrificed Himself so YOU HAVE NO POWER OVER ME. So, if I have to suck it up, deal with it, accept it, and keep moving on.. SO BE IT! God's "got my 6" so I can hold my head up and keep looking forward to better days ahead when things don't go so poorly. THANK YOU JESUS!!!! You're my ROCK, my SWORD, and my SHIELD!!! AMEN!

~~Good things can't grow w/out a little fertilizer!!!!~~

Full Moons.. *sigh*

So.... yesterday I saw 'him'. Twice. I never would have guessed that this would be like this.. he said he's not ready for a relationship and just quit talking to me. I guess maybe I should get over it.. move on.. and I'm fighting the idea that he's not into me anymore because he's found someone else. IDK.. I don't want to be that kind of woman. Anyway.. so.. emotions welled up inside me, heart was POUNDING! and I just couldn't help but release it.. right there.. at work.. *sigh* silly me.

So I came home and FINALLY got to cleaning. NOOOO I mean CLEANING! I took a bucket, a rag, and some lovely febreze infused Mr. Clean AND!!!! scrubbed down walls, moved furniture, wiped it all down.. and re-arranged the living room and dining room. ahhh that feels better..

Not really.. I couldn't sleep very well last night.. stupid full moons.. I love them, especially when it's cold out like last night .. BEAUTIFUL & when you breath in the CRISP air almost cuts your lungs.. LOVE IT!!! I can't help but wonder and ask .. God.. I'm swamped with praying for others everyday.. and thanks to the experience of dating someone, liking them, and getting .. well.. ditched.. I'm just curious where it is You want me to go and do next?!

Should I revert to the thinking that I don't deserve a relationship?
Should I consider dating & relationships to be a distraction?
Should I find forget about it forever?

you see.. I'm the kind of person that gets filled with curiosity and when things are left unanswered I get... 'funny'.. I get.. silly.. and I start running around hap-hazard.. basically like a chicken w/ its head cut off. I don't know what to do so I just busy myself with so much other things that I think I won't run into the same kind of issue again. LIKE: cleaning my house, ignoring my phone, facebook, and thinking of taking a job in a office cubicle where I don't have to talk to or see ppl ever again.

I know that some of my friends like to say things like...

"there is someone out there pining for you just as much as you are pining for him."
"Your time will come and you will have a love like you've never known."
"you deserve so much better & it will come. You just need to keep waiting."

etc etc etc etc etc...

Well.. I hate to say it.. but let's get real here. Those things are FED into us via cheesy stupid romance movies (which I love) and we just EAT IT UP! Men know exactly what to say to us to get us hooked and then WHAMM~O!! their true selves are revealed and they just don't think or care the same way we do. NEVER will any mortal man live up to the standards of LOVING, PROVIDING, CARING, FORGIVING, and EVERYTHING ELSE as my Jesus does. He's all I need. AND if He is all I have for the rest of my life, then I know I've been taken care of by the B E S T !

So.. I'm back to where I started.. but it's a NEW YEAR so.. anything can happen. I'm excited for the changes happening in other's lives.. friends are getting married, having babies, and moving to bigger and better homes, jobs, and more.. I'm proud of them, HAPPY for them, and wish them the BEST (and will continue to PRAY for them) as I have done so from the start...

so.. for the "don't you think you deserve to share in the excitement for that kind of happiness too?" question

I only have one reply::::::

"Eh, I really don't know about that.. God will provide for me if HE thinks I need it. In the meantime, I'm happy with what He brings into my life and sharing the joys of others is just fine with me."