I'll admit to being a little less 'jolly' and physically tired - almost all the time.
Seriously -- I think it's a caffeine deficiency. LOL
But in seriousness, I've been reading scripture, praying, and working nearly all the time: so .. yes.. I feel.. tired.
The last blog's subject was a toughie for me. God wants me to love and learn about love. He is a perfect example of it and I should be able to follow His instructions. Right? Not as easy I thought. I've prayed for help in this area. I've been studying scriptures on examples of love and part of me is so reserved (I mean cautious here. Not afraid.) in this area that I know only God can see me through this. I've still had a few moments of struggle with the "l" word. I am trying to only use it when it's really meant to be said in it's fullest meaning. I tell my children I love them. I tell my family I love them. I tell God I love Him. That's real, unconditional love.
Essentially, I've stopped using the word unless I'm telling someone that I love them.
It's not been the easiest task: especially when one is physically tired and a state of mental unrest.
Maybe I am dwelling too much (*which I do quite a bit. I come from a long line of worriers. Another vicious cycle I pray to break.*) .. so I asked myself, and God, what is next ?
So far, I've been learning to practice - in a more intense fashion - full trust, belief, faith, and love.
What am I missing?
**Personal note**
You know, socially --> all I have is family, work, and facebook. Human interaction is limited to a professional level and small talk. It's no wonder at times I feel like I've got vulnerability when it comes to witnessing and trust. The circle is small here: REALLY small. Even on Facebook, I've taken further actions to limit who sees my page & who is on my friends list & what I talk about while on there.
I prayed for wisdom.
Lord, help me to see & understand what you want me to and the ability to act upon it. --Amen.
I came upon a quote: "Do not mistake my meekness for weakness."
This made no sense to me whatsoever. By definition meek & weak mean nearly the same thing and that is NOT STRONG, lacking courage or spirit, not violent, having little ability or power.
So, I went to scripture to figure out what God thinks and says about this.
In Matthew 5 (the Beatitudes) He says, "Blessed are the meek, For they shall inherit the earth."
Oh boy. Now there's a problem. I'm not meek.
In fact, I've always had a sense of warped pride for being built up strong and "tough" and courageous.
**Being a single mom, a full time employee, and pretty much 'on my own' a majority of my adult life has really honed me. I like being different. I like to like & excel at things that people say I shouldn't or couldn't. It pleases me. **
Especially after my last few studies / blog, I've been living w/ less fear and more confidence in His plan for me. No, I don't have any of those answers or know where my walk on Earth is headed, but as long as I believe He's got it all under control: why should I ?!!!
So, maybe I don't want to be meek? I'm all for being gentle and non-violent, but I don't want to be so extreme that I'm a doormat and people literally run over me and I say "oh, that's ok. do it again."
In Isiah, there are several scriptures proving where God promises strength to those who are weak.
Strengthen the weak hands,
And make firm the feeble knees.
He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.
Honestly, while being gentle and humble and "meek" can prove to be good (*for selection situations*).. God wants us to build up. Be stronger. Love harder. Have more faith and courage.Ok.. So while we may have our moments, we need to ask God's wisdom and direction to snap out of it.
I don't want to be weak. Physically, yes, I know! I am lacking, but spiritually - I want to be strong, solid, and stable.
Looking a little deeper here.....
Joshua 1:7
Only be strong and very courageous, that you may observe to do according to all the law which Moses My servant commanded you; do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left, that you may prosper wherever you go.
It's most awesome to know that in times when we don't feel quite like ourselves: children of God that we are still blessed, loved, and being cared for in the most excellent way possible. That if we continue, even if we struggle, to follow the LAW (*I mean scriptures here*) and seek the TRUTH (*Jesus*) - that we're completely taken care of - absolutely!
There is nothing in this world, of this world, or tricks of Satan playing w/ our minds, our co-workers, our random customers, or our children that can stop God from loving us. PERIOD.
There is NO GRAY AREA IN THAT.
The whole thing comes together in 1 John Chapter 4...
1 John 4
New King James Version (NKJV)
4 Beloved,
do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of
God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world. 2 By this you know the Spirit of God: Every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is of God, 3 and every spirit that does not confess that[a] Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is not of God. And this is the spirit of the Antichrist, which you have heard was coming, and is now already in the world.
4 You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. 5 They are of the world. Therefore they speak as of the world, and the world hears them. 6 We
are of God. He who knows God hears us; he who is not of God does not
hear us. By this we know the spirit of truth and the spirit of error.Knowing God Through Love
7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. 8 He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. 9 In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. 10 In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.Seeing God Through Love
12 No one has seen God at any time. If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected in us. 13 By this we know that we abide in Him, and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit. 14 And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent the Son as Savior of the world. 15 Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. 16 And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him.The Consummation of Love
17 Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. 18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. 19 We love Him[b] because He first loved us.Obedience by Faith
20 If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can[c] he love God whom he has not seen? 21 And this commandment we have from Him: that he who loves God must love his brother also.So, you see.. even in weakness, meekness, and lack of physically, mental, and emotion ability we are still being molded, shaped, and strengthened for the construction of His kingdom.
I pray that God continues to bring peace, understanding, and love to all of your lives.