You can see that Spring is coming. The weather has been chilly but with sunshine. The trees are budding, the robins are coming back, and you can see the ground & some of it is GREEN! I seriously stare out and daydream of fishing and other outdoor wonderfulness. :) It overwhelms me with a pure joy.
This week has been an interesting one. I took some time to really -- well -- recluse. Shy away from revealing feelings / emotions to people, doing an almost fast, praying steadily, and drawing nearer to God. I've felt His presence everyday. I honestly can say that I've had a great week. No, nothing was perfect, but my attitude and disposition has been rather.. pleasant- almost sickeningly joyful. <3
I know the change of the weather or at least the possibility of it has had a little something to do with it.
The main reason though is because I know God has it all under control. I've had a much better outlook, attitude, and disposition all week. I'm no longer worried, stressed, or even remotely sad/down.
Matthew 6:25-34
Do Not Worry
25 “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?28 “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29 and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
31 “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
This.. is where I am. I was having a hard time just .. letting go.
So, this week, I made a point --- in ALL things --- to just give it to God. I surrendered it all. There is nothing I can have/say/do w/out Him so .. seek Him first, then act.
Yes, I may have kept to myself & maybe alienated a few people for a day or two. Yes, I did make some changes to my FaceBook settings so certain negative people that continue to bring drama to the proverbial table can't be seen or heard. No, I didn't de-friend them, but I did guard myself from their attempts. It feels good. God will grant me the knowledge I need WHEN I need it. I really mustn't put the cart before the horse and assume things. I've already been practicing about "expectations" **which I wrote a blog about** but I still sometimes jump to conclusions w/out taking the time to get all the information required. Oh yes.. good ole fashioned impatience. haha. *smh*
Basically - it was a re-assessment period of a few days - to just make sure I was running on the right tracks. It feels good. It really does. I feel 'back in touch'. God is surely gracious & merciful - - all the time! It's a shame that we can't always see/feel it: when life gets to us.
I was reminded though-->> we are in the world but NOT of it! Took me a day or two of praying to really get that and to truly believe / feel it. <3
So, now.. let's move on - -shall we?!!
You know I can't post a blog w/out touching on the subject of person/person relationships. God has been helping me accept that this is part of who I am through Him. No, I'm no expert but w/ my experiences in this area He's granted me the ability to do/say things that could possibly have a pleasant effect on the Kingdom. If I am to trust Him FULLY then this is just something I must accept & love. I'm still not 100% sold on the idea, but God knows that I'm trying. He'll lead me to where He needs me.
Spring is truly around the corner. Ya know those issues with "twitterpation" that I have.. well, deep inside there may be a lingering thought or two but for the most part: God has replaced them.
This morning upon making my bed- I discovered that I was making it as if 2 people slept there: pillows side by side & etc.. Well, this morning - - I said why?am I doing that?!! It's only me in this bed-why must I make it appear as though I'm sharing it ?! So, I stacked my pillows and made my bed. Which YES... I sleep in the smack middle of and sprawl out when I feel like it !!! HA HA HA !! That's one less 'square peg in a round hole' area for me !
:) It felt good.
The morning routine was just that - - routine. Lily tried to get out going to school, Daniel was being silly & was harassing her, which only made her grumble worse. I ended up having to boldly tell him to quit before they even had their shoes on. I love my children dearly - I truly do. I pray for them. It's not easy being a teenager. I pray they managed to see the crap that the world is trying to feed them & really come into their own & shine.
After walking the kids to school, I went for my coffee. Yes, I'm still indulging in the guilty pleasure of the Irish Creme lattes from Sheetz :) They're just so good. :) Once I hit the sidewalk I heard giggling. I noticed a man (whom I know to be fairly recently divorced) chatting w/ a lovely gal. I tried to watch them w/out looking like a creeper staring at them. It's rather amazing to watch how men/women converse when there's obvious attraction. I actually laughed to myself. There they were, oblivious to the rest of the world - talking & having a good time in Sheetz parking lot. It certainly appeared to me they were 'twitterpated' or at least.. the possibility was there. I got my coffee and walked home. They were still there.. talking & giggling. I actually enjoyed seeing it. Granted, it was a bit "disgusting" but I found the humor in it & looked at it through a new set of eyes. Divorce is a terrible thing to go through - regardless of circumstances. Dating is seriously risky business. It's not easy to put yourself out there and hope to find someone. It's hard to hope for a future when you've had the rug pulled out from under you - shaking you to the very core. <<Trust me, I know.>>
If this is a new romance prospect for them - I truly hope for the best for them both.
(*don't laugh, but I felt that this may have been a breakthrough for me. If this were group therapy, there'd be applause and hugging and praise.*)
Through the course of the past week God has revealed many things to me. Part of the reason I get so stressed & worried & upset is because I've allowed myself to get so wrapped up in it that I failed to see it through HIS eyes.
I was focused on the wrong things. *face palm* Once I asked for assistance to see things more clearly & accept what is & trust that He's got control - - it was like someone installed an on/off light switch where there once was a dimmer switch.
Phillipians 4:6-9
6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Meditate on These Things
8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. 9 The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.So - - peace be with you.
Hope that you all have a blessed day! <3