So.... yesterday I saw 'him'. Twice. I never would have guessed that this would be like this.. he said he's not ready for a relationship and just quit talking to me. I guess maybe I should get over it.. move on.. and I'm fighting the idea that he's not into me anymore because he's found someone else. IDK.. I don't want to be that kind of woman. Anyway.. so.. emotions welled up inside me, heart was POUNDING! and I just couldn't help but release it.. right there.. at work.. *sigh* silly me.
So I came home and FINALLY got to cleaning. NOOOO I mean CLEANING! I took a bucket, a rag, and some lovely febreze infused Mr. Clean AND!!!! scrubbed down walls, moved furniture, wiped it all down.. and re-arranged the living room and dining room. ahhh that feels better..
Not really.. I couldn't sleep very well last night.. stupid full moons.. I love them, especially when it's cold out like last night .. BEAUTIFUL & when you breath in the CRISP air almost cuts your lungs.. LOVE IT!!! I can't help but wonder and ask .. God.. I'm swamped with praying for others everyday.. and thanks to the experience of dating someone, liking them, and getting .. well.. ditched.. I'm just curious where it is You want me to go and do next?!
Should I revert to the thinking that I don't deserve a relationship?
Should I consider dating & relationships to be a distraction?
Should I find forget about it forever?
you see.. I'm the kind of person that gets filled with curiosity and when things are left unanswered I get... 'funny'.. I get.. silly.. and I start running around hap-hazard.. basically like a chicken w/ its head cut off. I don't know what to do so I just busy myself with so much other things that I think I won't run into the same kind of issue again. LIKE: cleaning my house, ignoring my phone, facebook, and thinking of taking a job in a office cubicle where I don't have to talk to or see ppl ever again.
I know that some of my friends like to say things like...
"there is someone out there pining for you just as much as you are pining for him."
"Your time will come and you will have a love like you've never known."
"you deserve so much better & it will come. You just need to keep waiting."
etc etc etc etc etc...
Well.. I hate to say it.. but let's get real here. Those things are FED into us via cheesy stupid romance movies (which I love) and we just EAT IT UP! Men know exactly what to say to us to get us hooked and then WHAMM~O!! their true selves are revealed and they just don't think or care the same way we do. NEVER will any mortal man live up to the standards of LOVING, PROVIDING, CARING, FORGIVING, and EVERYTHING ELSE as my Jesus does. He's all I need. AND if He is all I have for the rest of my life, then I know I've been taken care of by the B E S T !
So.. I'm back to where I started.. but it's a NEW YEAR so.. anything can happen. I'm excited for the changes happening in other's lives.. friends are getting married, having babies, and moving to bigger and better homes, jobs, and more.. I'm proud of them, HAPPY for them, and wish them the BEST (and will continue to PRAY for them) as I have done so from the start...
so.. for the "don't you think you deserve to share in the excitement for that kind of happiness too?" question
I only have one reply::::::
"Eh, I really don't know about that.. God will provide for me if HE thinks I need it. In the meantime, I'm happy with what He brings into my life and sharing the joys of others is just fine with me."