While, I agree w/ the love, respect, trust, understanding, friendship & faith part.. This does marriage NO justice!!! Marriage is much much more than a piece of paper!!!! Marriage should be a 110% committment! ! It should be a whole heart-ed agreed upon decision that isn't to be entered into lightly. Deciding to marry someone & say "oh well, if it doesn't work out, I'll just get a divorce" is the WORST thing anyone could ever say/do! and if I hear "everyone else in the world does it that way-why should I feel badly if I do it" I feel SICK!!! SICK SICK SICK!!!!
And here's where you say.. "well, April.. aren't you one to talk? You've been married and divorced THREE times." Yes.. yes I have. Do you know why?? All three marriages were based on the WRONG REASONS!!! I entered them lightly and didn't understand what it really was about. First marriage I was young, "in love", and stupid. As we matured our priorities got messed up. We wanted different things. Neither of us loved each other enough to really fully understand each other or make it work. Neither of us were responsible or mature enough to take care of where our lives were heading. Both of us were making mistakes (**of the classic variety**) left & right. It was falling apart. Fell so much apart that the children now suffer -- not really knowing their father b/c he was too hurt to care AND I was too stubborn to let him continue to yank the children about w/ his childishness and bitterness. Second marriage, ha ha! from beginning to end we were only together about 9 months or so.. we are still friends. We've forgiven and moved on. Allowing for a friendship to be where it should have been.. Don't get me wrong. . I loved him. Part of me still has a degree of love for him but it's a BLANKET covering his wife and two children too! That's how it is. Third husband.. well.. he may never forgive me nor his friends.. for what they think I did. However, I'm as much a victim (to a certain degree) as my daughter was in that relationship. EVERYONE suffered from that relationship. DISASTER!!! It was fun - when times were good - I loved him w/ a determined amount of love b/c I refused to see failure. He's where he is for a reason & the lessons we all learned from that experience are forever burned in our memories. May God protect us that it never happen again. That divorce was one I wished I had done faster. I took my time w/ it b/c I really didn't want trouble. That was final in 2009. That was 4 yrs ago. I've forgiven him, the mistakes, and myself for allowing me to be so brainwashed/stubborn that I'd been so blind. .
And here's where you say.. "well, April.. aren't you one to talk? You've been married and divorced THREE times." Yes.. yes I have. Do you know why?? All three marriages were based on the WRONG REASONS!!! I entered them lightly and didn't understand what it really was about. First marriage I was young, "in love", and stupid. As we matured our priorities got messed up. We wanted different things. Neither of us loved each other enough to really fully understand each other or make it work. Neither of us were responsible or mature enough to take care of where our lives were heading. Both of us were making mistakes (**of the classic variety**) left & right. It was falling apart. Fell so much apart that the children now suffer -- not really knowing their father b/c he was too hurt to care AND I was too stubborn to let him continue to yank the children about w/ his childishness and bitterness. Second marriage, ha ha! from beginning to end we were only together about 9 months or so.. we are still friends. We've forgiven and moved on. Allowing for a friendship to be where it should have been.. Don't get me wrong. . I loved him. Part of me still has a degree of love for him but it's a BLANKET covering his wife and two children too! That's how it is. Third husband.. well.. he may never forgive me nor his friends.. for what they think I did. However, I'm as much a victim (to a certain degree) as my daughter was in that relationship. EVERYONE suffered from that relationship. DISASTER!!! It was fun - when times were good - I loved him w/ a determined amount of love b/c I refused to see failure. He's where he is for a reason & the lessons we all learned from that experience are forever burned in our memories. May God protect us that it never happen again. That divorce was one I wished I had done faster. I took my time w/ it b/c I really didn't want trouble. That was final in 2009. That was 4 yrs ago. I've forgiven him, the mistakes, and myself for allowing me to be so brainwashed/stubborn that I'd been so blind. .
A person can learn a lot in a lifetime. I honestly can say w/out a shadow of a doubt that marriage scares me a little bit. I remember the love I used to feel for those men. I remember the happiness I thought we had. I also remember the lack of committment I felt. The lack of knowledge and understanding. I also respect marriage A LOT!! It's an awesome thing. It's a joyous event to marry someone. It's the ultimate sign that you're fully committed to someone. Do you need that ceremony, paper signed by a official, and the big hoop de do? nah.. but you definitely need to show it EVERYDAY in every way you can to your significant other and in your life.
Compassion - Compromise - and Commitment.. The 3 c's.. are probably the root of what marriage should be..
Compassion.. Have compassion for yourself & your significant other. They need to know you care, respect, and value them as a person & your spouse. You must be willing to have the PASSION to show them that you want them to be happy. Happy with LIFE! not just the relationship. . but happy w/ all aspects.
Compromise.. Give & take should be EQUAL amounts in any relationship. If any one side of those two becomes greater-- hard feelings can begin to fester and grow evil, malicious thoughts of feeling used or neglected. This can lead to rationalizing the making of stupid and rash decisions. Fear and anger are the 2 things of this world that cause the most rash and reckless decisions ever made for a person. Anger breeds revenge. Fear breeds panic & chaos. All these emotions/feelings cause un-clear thinking & the inability to take information in, process it properly, and make clear, logically, and rational decisions.
Commitment.. what does commitment mean? full 100% commitment is a decision. Are we committed because we have to? sometimes. . but 99% of the time commitment comes b/c we WANT to. . it's something that pleases us, something that we enjoy doing, and something that we know is right & good. For example.. being committed to our faith, our children, our jobs, our hobbies, and our daily routines and activities.
If two people decide they want to get married.. there is some things they need to consider..
#1 -- Are they alike in principle beliefs? (for me, the Bible tells me not to be unequally yoked w/ someone) it's a good demonstrations.. imagine being an oxen in a yoke.. and if one doesn't want to go the same direction as the other.. what's going to happen?? um.. danger! injury! and stalemate!
#2 -- Are they alike in mind, passions, and hobbies? do you want the same things in life? They say opposites attract.. but I don't believe complete opposites can stay together. Just an example.. I'm an outgoing, talkative, outdoors gal.. I know that if I were w/ someone quiet, shy, and stayed indoors all the time.. it wouldn't last long. There has to be a common ground that both parties can come to in order for there to be something there to make it work. I don't see how it would work if there isn't something that two people can come together and enjoy doing. *here's where sex is dangerous* If the only common ground you have is sex.. well.. I have news for you.. That isn't going to work either! Sex w/out love & commitment is the WORST ! It will only carry you so long before you are LOOKING for a way out! The thinking of "the grass is greener on the other side" .. I've been there. I've seen it happen. It's NOT good!
#3 -- Does each individual have what it takes to full understand commitment? Are you able to fully understand that sometimes that will mean rough times are ahead and that you will have to do some pretty suck-tacular things in order to make it work? It's going to be EVERY DAY - FOREVER! Yes, things can change. Yes, people change. Yes, life happens. If you're fully committed to something - no matter what happens - you make it work. I keep thinking.. Jesus was committed by God from DAY 1!! of His life to die for us. He knew His work would only last so long physically on Earth. He knew that every day was a step towards that ultimate sacrifice. That is how we should live our lives. . carrying around the dedication of LIVING - to do what it takes of ourselves to be committed. Committed to life! If you've exhausted all ounces of your being on someone that isn't committed to you then what have you done? Just think about it. If the person you are contemplating marriage with is NOT as committed to the relationship.. where is it going to lead?
Just.. a.. thought..
It's amazing what trouble, turmoil, and time can do to a person. I know it's changed me. It continues to change me. I know if ever an opportunity for marriage came along.. It would be different. Divorce wouldn't be an option. "Til Death do us part" would be the only way.. and even then.. I'd rejoice.. b/c I know that if I went before he did.. I'd see him again in Heaven.. to dance in the glory of God.. reunited.
It makes me choke up to think it. . God's pretty awesome that way. <3