Deleting SPAM

No, I'm not talking about canned meat here!!!

While checking my emails one of my "spam" folder headlines read: "Life is short - Have an affair"
*GASP* WHAT??!!!! I clicked to UNSUBSCRIBE and there was NO link, NO email, NO return to sender, NO way to get that OFF my computer. I deleted it, but it was still there! I'm still on that random list that I might see it again. UNBELIEVABLE!!! Of course, there was all kinds of other nasty, sexual, GROSS spam emails but this one hit me first. It hit me like a fast ball w/ no bat to swing at it.

Yes, I believe that life is short. HOWEVER!!!!!! that does not mean that it's a valid excuse to have an affair! What the heck?!!! I'd love to have a TRUE love experience - not an affair. There's no love in that!!! Ok Ok Ok.. Some of you are saying, "what about so n so & so n so that were sneaking around behind so n so's back & they're married & happy now?" Hmm.. ok.. How about "God is their judge-NOT ME!" I won't deny that extra-marital affairs are wrong. They're destructive, deceitful, and just wrong.  If two individuals eventually make things right and are happily together after a hellish mess - LET THEM BE! **I know several happy couples that found each other thru nasty divorces because of their affairs.** If it continues to bother you then you need to evaluate your friendship status with them. They don't deserve to have negative / down the nose looking judgmental so-called friends in their life anymore than you do. It's ok to speak your concerns & opinions but when you push to anger / incite harm -- that's crossing the line. That's SPAM too!!!! Time to delete the SPAM! Get rid of it. Distance yourself from those drama filled / anger inciting situations that cause harm for any party involved. Just do it! Do you really think Jesus would stand there-getting in someone's face-wagging his finger at that?! NO! He'd calmly tell them what they're doing wrong and leave it to them to decide what they wanted to do about it. He'd LOVE them! He'd FORGIVE them! Duh.

God only knows how hard relationships have been for me in the past. I've fallen too hard, too fast, and for the wrong reasons. Physical was a priority in my 20s. I feel incredible shamed saying that. God forgive me for being so stupid! I used to confuse kind words & physical attraction for love. Please.. again.. God forgive me! Over the past few years, I feel as though God's been molding me to somehow, perhaps, maybe find the one that could truly be "the one." I'm not holding my breath but in the event God would bring me someone that could love me as an equal, as a companion worthy of love, respect, and decency in a way that God would approve & shower blessings on to the point we'd be married; I certainly would NOT want to desecrate that union w/ SPAM! I'd expect the same from my partner.

I don't even feel like the same person anymore. The past is so foreign to me it's hard to believe some of the seriously DUMB stuff I did b/c I was so warped in the head / heart. God forgive me. 1st & 2nd marriage I wasn't in the right mind or heart set for the seriousness of the vows. The 3rd one I was but with the wrong person. . REALLY wrong person. Towards the end, it wasn't love driving me. It was determination. I was determined NOT to have another divorce. God, however, had other plans. He certainly changed my life, my way of thinking / feeling, and my outlook for the future after that one.

Often times in life, I've identified w/ the Samaritan woman at the well speaking with Jesus. (*John Chapter 4:1-42*) The story rings LOUD & CLEAR in my mind & heart.  Jesus speaks to her with love & truth. He already knew her and her many 'husbands' and the role she'd play in bringing more people to Him & His Father. I've many times wondered what happened to her afterwards. Did she marry & be happy & blessed in the Lord or did she remain celibate, "married to Jesus" (so to speak), or what??!!! One of the questions I plan to ask once I find my way "home" and get my chance before Jesus. In this day & age, dating often includes sexual activity. Many people claim it's because the heart wants what it wants.. but if you're active w/ someone that you don't deem worthy of marriage well.. then it's your body wanting what it wants - NOT YOUR HEART.  It's SPAM!!! Delete it!

The past few years have been interesting in the love/romance/relationship department for me. You can pretty much say I've let myself get in too deep, too fast, and put the cart before the horse. I miss some aspects the friendships I had with some of the guys I dated, however, through reflection and deeper inspection, I'm certain that the friendships were about as strong as the "relationship" - a little stronger than a spider web but definitely not chain.. somewhere along the lines of nylon rope -- easily burned.  I'm no longer concerned about it. I pray God make me the woman He needs me to be. If there's a guy out there that God wants me to be with forever - He'll make it known. I'll be shocked/surprised but gloriously happy!! The kind of relationship that God provides so both partners grown and learn from each other, support and love each other, and .. ah dang.. I'm getting weepy at the beautiful thought of it. I'll stop there.

Doggone SPAM!
Who knew, huh?!

God Willing -2014 will be AWESOME!!!

I keep thinking over & over in my head -- this could be the best year ever!
I keep mentally, emotionally preparing myself for the kind of changes 2014 could bring. Physically, I'm back to shaping up. I'm hoping to see a good 2 lbs lost this week & hopefully 5 lbs by next week (just not drinking soda should really help!) Reason for my passion for getting fit? Well, you see 2014 might bring me more opportunity for adventure and outdoors fun/excitement. I really don't want to down a 200+ bear and not be able to drag it out of the woods.  I don't want to say "yes, let's go backpacking" & get winded 1/2 mile on the trail. Know what I mean?! I'm dead serious about this. I may get a little wild/talkative about whims of fancy from time/time but I honestly have the best intentions. I pray God grant me the ambition & determination & discipline it takes. If He brings the interest in me, He'll provide the way. It may be a lot of "preparing for rain" but I'm still going to do it!

I also wonder what else this year will bring? I mean.. Life's brought me so many ups/downs through the years and Thank God He's helped me survive it all. Right now, there's a few small issues with work, the kids, and I still don't have a vehicle. Mom mentioned this nice looking Subaru at Rine's the other day, but I have such a crippling fear of not making car payments that I just couldn't bear to look. Why? In fear I'd get all excited, think I could afford it, and then go through the disappointment of not being able to do any of those things. Income is weak right now. I'm trying to re-coop from Christmas & the winter electric bill - which doubled. Nothing more distressing than owing almost a full paycheck to the utilities company AND still have to pay rent AND buy groceries. *sigh* YAY life! ha ha!

Anyway, I'm not worried. I know God will provide. I'm doing what I can, working my tail off at Cole's, and preparing to do some side work throughout the year to help make ends meet. I plan on Feb/March going through the WHOLE house, the ENTIRE storage shed, AND carport. Sell-able items will be SOLD. Clothing will be washed, piled & sold for $.50 a kitchen trash bag. Anything left over will be donated to a local church, Red Cross, or Thrift store. PERIOD. Time to de-clutter, simplify, and get this 'master plan' in motion. Kids might not be happy about getting rid of some of their toys & books & stuff but I don't care. If I'm to remain in this smaller space - we can't keep accumulating all these things that aren't getting used!

Plus, if I really get good / have time to make pallet furniture & tan hides - I could have some awesome side work that could really help out! I'm so excited!! Plus, if I get as much food as I can from nature: hunting, fishing, & garden growing - the grocery bill should drop drastically. There is something to be said about being more self-sustainable.

Why could 2014 be the best year yet??? Well, it's off to an awesome start. I've got the most awesome God in control of it all, I've got great family, drama has decreased DRAMATICALLY from our lives, and I think as far as friends go - I've got some pretty darn amazing ones! Heck, they are more like extended family to me. No, we don't always get together or get along / agree on things, but we're still there for each other when it counts. 

For me to say, "I'm happy", is an understatement. I'm content & hopeful. I'm determined to make the best out of everything. If my attitude sickens you - I'm sorry. I'll do my best not to be so JOYFUL in your face & pray you find the love, joy, peace & happiness I've found.

Jeremiah 29:11-13
"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

I know I've used that one before, but it FITS so well with everything. <3 Thank you God <3
You truly are amazing and I hope/pray that I've got Your blessing and never miss an opportunity to do Your will. - Amen.

Happy New Year !!!!

God has been so good ! I actually have become quite relaxed. I know He's in control and I just keep plugging away. It was rough getting a chance to write over the holidays. So much was going on: at home & at work. Just shy of Christmas we ended up losing our assistant manager.. due to unforeseen circumstances. For a few days, I was just beside myself in disbelief & sadness. I pray for him, his family, and the events to come. Weird/stupid decision = rough consequences. I'm still baffled. Then, of course with inventory needing done, holiday customer traffic, and helping to train two new employees. I was busy. For a few days, I ended up sick w/ the stomach bug. That was awful!! Fever first day, throwing up the next day, and then the scoots the day after that. Y U C K !!! I got rest, drank plenty of fluids, and let it run it's course.  All in all, the holidays went great! Mom made food, Grandma made food, and everyone seemed to be satisfied with their gifts. New Years was fabulous too! Michael's mom made homemade stromboli, we played guitar almost all night, and the kids were tooting their little horns at midnight. New Years day - - I cleaned! I organized! I re-arranged! I made pork & saurkraut (tradition). 
It was awesome! Michael came by with some trout. Those were fileted & frozen. We actually fried those up last night! YUM YUM!!!! I used a new cookbook, my new cast iron skillet, and fried every one of those babies up. Soooo delicious! There's leftovers, which I'm royally excited about!

So far, 2014 has been one of the greatest starts of any year. I've come up with a few "resolutions" for this year. I'm rather excited. So far, so good ! Everything is falling in line according to the way I'm being led. <3 God is so good!! Even when the storm is raging - He takes care of EVERY creature great or small! <3

I know 2014 will bring a lot of adventure, excitement, and hopefully some new skills. I am so happy with life now as it is.. I can't possible want it to change.. but here are a few HOPES or so-called "resolutions" for 2014.
**God grant me the ability to continue to love the life You've provided. Help me to lean not on my own understanding and continue to give You all the credit & glory You deserve. Amen.**

RESOLUTION -1) I plan on fishing as much as possible.
RESOLUTION-2) I plan to construct a portable smoker (of sorts) *like a teepee* over my fire pit.
RESOLUTION-3) I plan on acquiring my hunting license and hopefully do some hunting.
RESOLUTION-4) I plan on attempting the process of tanning hides. **I have my instructions. I've read them over several times. I'll need materials and time.**
RESOLUTION-5) I plan to continue blogging - gathering info & possibly construct a rough combination of what may/may not be a book.
RESOLUTION-6) I plan on getting EVERYTHING out of the crawlspace & my parents storage. Throw away what can't be salvaged AND sell off anything unnecessary. I'm going to break the hoarding cycle! ! **all that money will go into a car fund**
RESOLUTION-7) Own a vehicle by the end of May *would be nice*
RESOLUTION-8) Eat clean, train hard, workout DAILY, and lose 50-60 lbs by the end of May. Then maybe another 30-40 lbs after that.. we'll see.
RESOLUTION-9) Grow a bigger, better garden. Yield & store as much as possible. CUT that grocery bill DOWN! !
RESOLUTION-10) REJOICE in all things. Remain positive & steadfast.

That is all... Call me crazy - but I love this life!!!