Just so you're aware --- I am NOT desperate. I am NOT seeking a relationship, unless God brings one worthy to me. I am NOT depressed or sad that I'm "alone". (*I know I'm not alone. God is always with me & He's got a pretty awesome circle of loving family & friends around me.*)
Romantic relationships is a sore subject for me, probably always will be. Anyone that really knows me - is fully aware of this. I am who God has made me. There is no definition except - I'm a part of Him that He's building for my job in heaven. All I know is that I have been embracing my independence, working hard, trying to be confident but humble, and do the best I can everyday to be grateful and look for opportunities to serve.
I pray for my friends that are so overwhelmed with trials. I'm grateful for folks that are praying for me, while I just keep plugging away. I've had some "truth" laid on my heart lately & I'm going to share...
(*Remember!! I'm not actively looking for relationship. I'm not waking up everyday and saying "oh, I better gussy myself - just in case "the one" shows up today." I am NOT thinking about it day/night. Sometimes, it crosses my mind, but otherwise -- I just do what I need to do to get through the day at work, get home, and enjoy what little time I have at home. I don't do dating websites. I don't do the bar scene. I do NOT accept blind date set ups. I do NOT accept flirts or advances from married men. I do NOT need a man to define who I am as a woman. I am NOT your average gal. PERIOD.*)
Last week, I was reminded.. if I were to actively seek a man for my life.. I found some pictures of what I'm up against..
Do you see these two ladies? When I see pictures like these I LAUGH til I nearly wet myself. #1 - she doesn't even have waders on and WHO in their right mind wears jewelry to go tropping around in a creek / stream that you might lose it forever. #2 - who wears a bikini by a creek to practice their bow. I can understand if you're bow fishing but as you can clearly see - her bow is NOT set up for it.This.. is what I'm up against.
I am practical. I am real. If I have a picture of me holding a fish - I'm probably soaking wet, feet covered in mud, and look like a big smiling dork.
I don't do archery. So, don't look for pictures of me w/ a bow. I like it, I respect it, but I don't know much about it so it's not impossible for me, but unlikely that I'll just suddenly get into it.
This.. is why I get frustrated.
Ladies, not only are we in danger of creating unrealistic expectations for men but men are just as likely to have unrealistic expectations as well for us. Let's stop kidding ourselves and be real! I don't doubt that there are ladies out there - that look like this - and are as real as they come, not afraid of getting dirty or fishy or sit for hours on end - in the cold to bag their prey. That's terrifying for me. Terrifying.
Here I sit, rising from the ashes of some lousy decisions in the past, feeling stronger, wiser, and more confident that if the right man were to be brought to me that I could bring him a level of happiness that I've only dreamed about - and be just as happy doing that. . and there are ladies out there that don't have to do anything and they have a supply of decent, respectable guys just fawning over them. So, what do I do with this? I internalize it. I see it as my problem. I work even harder to be the best "me" I can be. I make resolutions that include losing 100 lbs, learn to tan hides, make things of leather, build a smokehouse teepee, and keep plugging away - working at a hardware store and trying to show respect, kindness, and love to everyone I come in contact with -- set an example. Show God's love when we're surrounded by a world of evil, deceit, and hate.
Last night at the grocery store, I met a beautiful young lady. BEAUTIFUL. She was lively, smiled a lot, and apparently intelligent! She confused me. You could clearly see her hair was NOT her own, her eyebrows were shaved and drawn on, and she had fake eyelashes too. I bit my tongue. I wanted so badly to ask her why she did all that?! Why would she mask her real beauty? I stayed silent. I prayed for that young lady. She is being sucked into a world that would rather you hide behind fake than be proud of the real you and be damned the consequences.
I am who I am. I'm a gal with a variety of ideals, quirks, and faults. I am NOT your perfect woman.
I pray for God to help me, not rely on friends and family to bail me out. I suffer through times when yes, it would be simpler to ask for help from someone, but I'd rather go it alone b/c I REFUSE to be a needy burden on someone that is only doing something out of sympathy or obligation. I REFUSE to be that type of person. God help me. I love who I am. I feel confident that God is molding and shaping me - every step of the way. I'm as real as they come.
So.. now that I've completely sidetracked here.. tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Believe it or not, amongst the sea of stupid gifts & candy at Weis - I actually saw something I want. This weekend, when the prices drop - I'll pick it up for myself. Valentine's Day and every day - you should love yourself for who you are, the person God's building in you, and love the life He provides. No, you may not always be in a relationship with someone - but YES you are always loved. ALWAYS.
Enjoy !!! <3