Testimony

Recently, my mother found a picture of me and posted it to FaceBook for “TBT”. For those of you that don’t know what that is, it means “Throw Back Thursday”. You dig into your old photo albums and seek out fun, embarrassing, or sentimental photos of your loved ones and post &  tag them on FaceBook.  It’s a regular thing that I almost always forget to do. My mother has a great talent of finding photos of me in my underwear or in odd Halloween photos and such. 
Yesterday, she posted one that I never knew existed.

So, here I am. I’m probably about 4 or 5 years old. I’m a smiling, messy, attitude showing and extremely happy girl on my grand-parents farm. I actually wept a little looking at it. Why? Well, you see.. to get from this smiling, feisty, innocent,  & fun loving little girl of 4 or 5 to the smiling, feisty, & fun loving adult (30 years later)– has been a true testimony to God’s grace, mercy, forgiveness, and all encompassing love:
 just & true.  
Here’s a picture from this week.

See, I am just as feisty as ever!

 Yes, I’m holding a squirrel tail, smiling ear to ear, & wearing a CareBear shirt like it’s nobody’s business.  It wasn’t always like this. From graduation in 1997 to being 35 and “stable” was a terrible rollercoaster of learning. I left this small, country town for “bigger & better” things. I married at 18 yrs old. I moved to North Carolina, onto an Air Force base with my husband, and was pregnant within the first 3  months of wedlock.  My faith was on the fence. I knew of God, believed and was baptized, but honestly: I HAD NO CLUE! I know this fact (now) to have been the real end result—fast forward a few years—to my 1^st divorce.

That fast forward part: yes, I’m leaving out several affairs, couple’s therapy, reconciliation of my marriage, more affairs, practicing witchcraft, and having a 2^nd child**with major heart defects and having surgery & recovery & etc, then another affair – then divorce, moving several times, various failed relationships, a miscarriage, and yes; more drugs & alcohol. Yes, it was a humungous mess!! I was a humungous mess!

North Carolina was and is a destructive place & time for me. You see, left to my own devices, with no family around, and ignoring God = disaster.   
Thank God for my gallbladder attack while home in PA for SAVING ME from returning to North Carolina and continuing on this God-less path. Yes, I’m thanking God for pain, surgery, and being an “adult” living at home.  I stayed. I struggled. I wrestled with depression, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, and relationship issues.
By this time, my parents have had their own journey of experiencing God’s love and mercy. My dad heard the HOLY calling and had become a Lay Minister. It was an interesting transition for those of us who knew him. Growing up, I remember things that would be shocking to reveal. Dad changed. Mom changed. Their relationship dynamic changed. They both grew more in love with each other as God’s love grew stronger in them.

As the resident wild child, I had a hard time seeing that then. I had no idea they were instructed by God to carry out His plan for me. They were doing what He told them was best.  I HAD NO CLUE! God was working on me, but I still struggled with everything.
 I was beyond rebellious. I loved my children, who were living with us, but I still was living a Godless life, sowing more of my “wild oats” so to speak.  I was out of control. I wasn’t listening. I can’t tell you all the shameful things I said & did during those times. Honestly, I can’t remember them all.
Our merciful God has saved me from dwelling on my sinful & shameful ways. HE has blessed me with the opportunity to start fresh: again and again.  All along the way, building on the prayers of others that “this time” it would stick, stay & change me.

Let’s fast forward a little bit again. Fast forward through a 2^nd marriage, another affair, long hours/double shifts away at work, couple’s therapy, another miscarriage, separation & moving (again),  removal of my highly and long suffered infected wisdom teeth, a 2^nd divorce, and more drastic changes. I was living on my own, 2 small children, and finally going back to church: realizing that things needed to change. I couldn’t go on like this. Yes, a few years later I finally re-opened the door that Jesus was POUNDING on. I was born again! Again! I still didn’t have the full meaning, but at least I was closer… right?!  

Amidst this transition, I met a man at work. I was changing with the Spirit in me and loving life again. Who knew the decision to love this man “til death do us part” was nearly the end. I mean “the end” as in: total destruction of my time on earth, the lives of my children, and my family and his.  I struggled to maintain a relationship with God.  I fell into a pattern of heavy responsibility.  I felt responsible for everything. My son was diagnosed with ADHD and then Autism-I felt responsible. My husband drank and smoke pot continuously-I felt responsible. I had a new job that quickly went from part-time to full-time in 2 weeks. I carried more & more responsibility each day in every area of life. My kids were starting school, with help from programs, appointments, and medication for my son’s ADHD & Autism. I had a house to clean, a job to work, and bills to pay. Every other weekend, his children were in need of a good step-mother: providing clothes and food and entertainment. I loved them.

On numerous occasions he threatened to kill me, threatened to leave, and many times would disappear for days on end with no explanation or reason. Every time he returned – already threatening me not to say anything to him about it or threatened to leave again (this time for good) or accused me of cheating or mistreating his children, I felt responsible. I questioned my sanity. I felt guilty. I was wondering if maybe I was actually doing these horrendous things and really not realizing I was doing them.
Seriously, I was losing it! I had a sense of responsibility to everything and everyone BUT GOD! I had vowed this was the last time I’d ever marry.  I had vowed that I’d make this work; no matter what.
 I was being swallowed up by a life I wasn’t meant to live.

You know what? GOD SAVED ME AGAIN!!!
A year and seven months into the marriage EVERYTHING changed.
We separated. I went to live, with my children, at my parents’ house again.
2007 was a seriously rough year. I won’t divulge details, but let’s just say it was a year for twice per week counseling and major transitions—for everyone. He went to jail in April of 2008. Around that time a house came up for rent: conveniently located by my job & the schools. **pretty convenient & perfect, huh?**
Yes, I was depressed, confused, angry, bitter, and hardened. Re-building is never easy nor is it fun. This isn’t the first time I’ve gone through it, but I sure hoped it was the last.
Looking back now, I have FULL CONFIDENCE that God knew exactly what He was doing-HE led me to all the right places, people, and at exactly the moments HE needed them to happen.

Fast forward a few years (again). Divorce #3 was finalized in June 2009. I attempted to date a little here/there – with no real success, no real ambition. 
Fast forward some more and today: The children are now teenagers, struggling with their own set of issues. I still have the same job. I still live in the same place. I still occasionally wrestle with anger, depression, emotions, and relationships with other people. I am still single, but I have a real sense of stability.


How is it possible for all that trauma, tragedy, and chaos spanning over a huge period of time not have changed me? Ah.. but you see.. I have changed.
 
I feel like a new person.
Psalm 51:10
“Create in me a clean heart, O God,
 And renew a steadfast spirit within me.”

I feel protected.
Psalm 56
vs 11 “In  God I have put my trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?”

I feel changed.
Galatians 5:22-24
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.”

I feel like a child.
Matthew 18:2-4
“Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them, and said “Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”

Now, by all means I do not wish to sound boastful or selfish.
I am not perfect. I make mistakes all the time.  I still have trust issues with people. I have a hard time letting people in and relying on them for things.
The key is now I have a much deeper and truer faith in an all knowing, all forgiving, all encompassing compassionate God; the true judge of my life. I cherish every day HE provides for me to have the chance to live changed, through HIM, to build a better kingdom for HIM & to learn every lesson He provides: good or bad.
Proverbs 3:5-6
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take.”

If HE can love me enough to be with me the WHOLE TIME, protect me even when I didn’t want it, wait for me to find Him, and continue to lay down a path for me to heal, love, and forgive myself : move forward, learn, mature, and grow and EVERY TIME I messed up, came back to Him -HE IS THERE with OPEN ARMS: how could I not be happy and have a restored & rejuvenated spirit, like a child?

Quiet_Be Still

Psalm 46 New King James Version (NKJV)

God the Refuge of His People and Conqueror of the Nations

To the Chief Musician. A Psalm of the sons of Korah. A Song for Alamoth.

46 God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.
² Therefore we will not fear,
Even though the earth be removed,
And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
³ Though its waters roar and be troubled,
Though the mountains shake with its swelling. Selah

⁴ There is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God,
The holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High.
⁵ God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved;
God shall help her, just at the break of dawn.
⁶ The nations raged, the kingdoms were moved;
He uttered His voice, the earth melted.

⁷ The Lord of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah

⁸ Come, behold the works of the Lord,
Who has made desolations in the earth.
⁹ He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two;
He burns the chariot in the fire.

¹⁰ Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!

¹¹ The Lord of hosts is with us;The God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah

Everyone knows the passage in verse 10 - "Be still, and know that I am God.."
However, there is so much more in this chapter - - We're invited to look at EVERYTHING around us - see God in EVERYTHING  - - to seek refuge, to have no fear!! and to be still = meaning to have faith & be steadfast that I am (Jesus) is God and will be exalted.  The peace that is Jesus - and His salvation - and seek Him out in all we say, do, see, hear, and touch. There isn't a doubt in my mind that while I'm over here.. sorting out all the thoughts, quotes, and scriptures of the day that God is sitting up there and orchestrating which ones I see & hear - - I just need to be quiet and listen!!

I've failed to do this so many times - I'm sure God & Jesus are watching, shaking their heads and saying, "again?  no way.. she's doing it again!"
Of course, now I'm not nearly being as stubborn and wayward as before, right?! 
WRONG. My previous sins are just as serious as my present ones.
Sometimes I get so frustrated with myself that I can't think straight. I can't seem to focus. Seriously, it gives me a gigantic headache. I keep most of these thoughts to myself so only God can hear me.  How often I say "Why can't I do this for You? Why must I be this way?"
I do love the Lord. I am thankful for Him & how much He's loved us to sacrifice Himself for us..
Without Him.. yea.. the outcome is BAD! really bad! as in .. THE WORST!!!
**most likely outcome = dead & burning in hell** seriously -- that's backed up by Scripture. I know it to be true.

It makes me sick to feel this way.. when .. I feel like I'm failing Him.. when I feel like I'm losing full sight of Him..when I forget that God will qualify me_in His timing_for His purpose. When I have fear having dreams, goals, and ambitions. I really don't want to set expectations and then have extra disappointments. I'm afraid to pray for myself : I fear that He'll find me selfish or that my motive is pride or that I'd ask for blessing beyond my worth. I dislike being afraid. I don't want to fail Him. Yet.. He tells me to "fear not". .
So.. since I'm having trouble with the fear part.. I guess I will just.. "be still". .
"Dear Lord, I want to be a woman with a teachable heart, a willing spirit, a bendable will, and a loving attitude. I want to be guided by You each moment of my life. Help me to be this woman more and more, day by day. In Jesus' Name, Amen.” (proverbs 31 ministries)

Looking Up

Lord,
Please forgive me. 
I've not been completely thankful or joyful. Prayer I have reserved for others. I feel selfish praying for myself. I know You have a plan for me and I pray that I'm walking the way You want me to. Help me be on fire for You & Your way. I don't want to miss an opportunity to serve You and the needs of Your kingdom. Amen





This scripture is very straight forward. God through Paul for these letters is so powerful. Paul was once a murderer of the Jews. When Paul speaks God's word - - it's meant to be taken seriously.  God wanted people to be changed after hearing of the corrections needed to serve Him.  

In the verses to follow, Paul makes sure to tell us what to continue doing - in order so that we may be found favorable and pleasant in God's service. (vs 4-22)

⁴ But you, brethren, are not in darkness, so that this Day should overtake you as a thief. ⁵ You are all sons of light and sons of the day. We are not of the night nor of darkness. ⁶ Therefore let us not sleep, as others do, but let us watch and be sober. ⁷ For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk are drunk at night. ⁸ But let us who are of the day be sober, putting on the breastplate of faith and love, and as a helmet the hope of salvation. ⁹ For God did not appoint us to wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, ¹⁰ who died for us, that whether we wake or sleep, we should live together with Him.

¹² And we urge you, brethren, to recognize those who labor among you, and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, ¹³ and to esteem them very highly in love for their work’s sake. Be at peace among yourselves.

¹⁴ Now we exhort you, brethren, warn those who are unruly, comfort the fainthearted, uphold the weak, be patient with all. ¹⁵ See that no one renders evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is good both for yourselves and for all.

¹⁶ Rejoice always, ¹⁷ pray without ceasing, ¹⁸ in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

¹⁹ Do not quench the Spirit. ²⁰ Do not despise prophecies. ²¹ Test all things; hold fast what is good. ²² Abstain from every form of evil. The message is absolutely the same today.
We are to cling to the teachings of our Absolute Savior. There is NO gray area. He's concrete and very crystal clear on what He wants and what should be important to us. The fact that Paul is the one writing it should tell you - it's serious business. People feared Paul.
 How amazing is it that while Jesus walked on this earth - He actually knew what was to come?! He knew which places to go to in order for the miracles, sermons, and the followers that sought to hear Him would be waiting for Him! !  It was no accident. Every thing He said, did, went, and brought to others is/was/will be for His ultimate purpose.

God makes no mistakes or accidents: absolutely everything serves an opportunity for His service. 

(Personal) Endurance

**Dear Lord, Please help the sharing of my experience be a positive effort for Your Will and be full of Your Truth. I love you Jesus. Thank You. Amen**

Endurance:(noun) the ability to put up with strain, suffering, or hardship

 

Hebrews 10:36(NKJV)

³⁶ For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise:

I honestly can say-- endurance probably best describes a majority of the past.. oh.. say.. month for me.
I don't know how I'd survive if it was not for the promises of my Savior & His Father.
I'd really hate to see the person I would be if I didn't have the relationship w/ Jesus and accept the changes that He brings.  I'm still studying Revelation, doing a daily Bible app, and feeling really.. well.. different.

I'd like to say that everything has been a happy & Godly experience, but it's not.  Some days, I'm not even sure if I'm feeling myself or if I'm trying too hard to be overly joyous or sensitive, etc.. Living deliberately (practicing self-control) is not easy, but it's where I've been led. There is less expectation and disappointment this way. Not every day has felt successful, but at least I'm still thankful for the chance and pray for a better tomorrow.
I'd be lying if I told you everything was strawberry shortcake w/ ice cream and sprinkles on top. That's going a little too far.. however, it does sound rather tasty. <3

I really strive to hunger/thirst on the Word. Every day God seems to have me placed just where I need to be-at His perfect timing. I'm so grateful for this opportunity. I'm grateful to be alive and able. It's all His. Every piece of it.

John 15:14-20 (NKJV)

¹⁴ You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. ¹⁵ No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you. ¹⁶ You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you. ¹⁷ These things I command you, that you love one another.
¹⁸ “If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. ¹⁹ If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. ²⁰ Remember the word that I said to you, ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you. If they kept My word, they will keep yours also.

I've come to rely on Jesus for everything. Not only am I a servant but I feel the deepest, closest relationship/friendship I could ever imagine with Him. There is no one to compare. As such, I know that things will change. His will be done = not mine. I sometimes get a little hung up/feeling confused on what He wants for me. Scripture tells us of the promises and validates our behavior changes of the practice of His example.
I expect persecution. I expect negativity.
The more I love the Lord - the less this world worries me.
I know He's in control--even when it doesn't feel like it.
I pray that everyone find the peace and joy that He gives.AMEN

I haven't written in over a month. I've not been sure what to write. I've been rather engrossed in the study of Revelation and the vision Jesus gifted to John for His message to be heard, recorded, and fulfilled. I'm not even totally sure this piece will even come out right. haha!
I pray God is bringing something forward that will be useful for His will. Amen.
1 John 4:4 (NKJV)

⁴ You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.

As recipients of this gift of life on Earth - we must realize how thankful we should be for the opportunity-just to be here to endure what we must in order to learn and push forward & grow.
Accepting Him & His will is even more testing of our endurance, pushing the envelope of our humanity, practicing focus on things beyond our comprehension, and attempting to be fruitful for His sake.

Peace be with you all <3

Witness

1 John 1 New King James Version (NKJV)

What Was Heard, Seen, and Touched

1 That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked upon, and our hands have handled, concerning the Word of life— ² the life was manifested, and we have seen, and bear witness, and declare to you that eternal life which was with the Father and was manifested to us— ³ that which we have seen and heard we declare to you, that you also may have fellowship with us; and truly our fellowship is with the Father and with His Son Jesus Christ. ⁴ And these things we write to you that your^[a] joy may be full.

Fellowship with Him and One Another
⁵ This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all. ⁶ If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. ⁷ But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.

⁸ If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. ⁹ If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. ¹⁰ If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us.
One of things revealed to me lately - - the Bible; although given through Holy & Divine power, was written by people. People just like you and me. People from different backgrounds, upbringings, and different ways of life - brought together by Him, for Him, and continued service through Him.
These people that were actually there, walking & talking with Jesus, CHANGED people because of Him and His blessings, and they took time to write down their accounts of what they saw, heard, and were told by the Almighty to be recorded forever and forever - for the greater knowledge of Him.

The Bible was written by the FRONT LINE of God's army, the FIRST HAND witnesses of Jesus' teachings, miracles, death and resurrection. It doesn't get any more powerful than that.

The message is clear and simple. Let us take example from the fellow followers witness accounts of our Lord. Live our life the way God intended: practicing His ways, reading and studying His word, and allow others to see Him through us & the changes He makes in us.

I do believe that - those changes alone - provide a mighty opportunity to witness - first hand - His might, His love, and His blessings.

**Personal Note**
This week was an emotional one. A dear friend / neighbor went through a most terrible event in their life. I, through facebook, was able to witness the strength of their faith in the Almighty God & His plan, saw them struggle through the sadness and still glorify Him.
I don't know a single person that wasn't praying for them.  We all could see, hear, and feel the presence of God move mightily throughout the whole time.

Now that.. is witness.
You can either be (a noun) - witness: being a person that saw, heard, or experienced an event.
Or you can be a (verb) - witness: telling others of the account of what you saw, heard, and experienced**or what others saw, heard and experienced**

NOT GOSSIP.

GOSPEL.

I honestly believe there are times in life where we are permitted to stand back and witness His might - even if we're not directly involved emotionally, physically, and otherwise..

Psalm 46: 8-10
8Come, behold the works of the Lord,
Who has made desolations in the earth.
⁹ He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two;
He burns the chariot in the fire.

¹⁰ Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!

I urge you - to pray - to reflect - to study.
Allow yourself to take a look around, look deeper, and watch for opportunities to be a true witness of Him and His love.

Let others witness His changes and works through you. ((trust me.. they'll see them))
Be a witness of His changes and works through others. ((they are everywhere. you just have to look.))

Lord, please continue to help guide us all through this world - seeking You and Your way in all things. We may not always understand the Master plan, but we trust You are the One orchestrating it all. Help us all to be a witness. Amen.

Peace be with you all. <3

Seeking Wisdom

Lord,
Please give me the knowledge and wisdom to say & do the things You need me to. Grant me the opportunities to see and acknowledge Your will in my life & those around me. Help me keep a clear, focused mind on You and the path You have chosen for me. Amen

After this week of ups & down, full moon, and quite a bit of inner turmoil/confusion; I was excited to be able to sit & read from my actual Bible (not my Bible app, which most of my studies have been from lately).
I started in Hebrews 12 - It's titled the Race of Faith:

The Race of Faith

12 Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, ² looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

The Discipline of God

³ For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls. ⁴ You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin. ⁵ And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as to sons:
“My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord,
Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him;
⁶ For whom the Lord loves He chastens,And scourges every son whom He receives.”This passage has been used several times in sermons I've heard. Race of faith = competition in my mind.. however it's usage could be an awesome uplifting message of encouragement for endurance.. Running the good race, keep pace and don't give up. Cool!! right?!

I saw it differently today..
In the very first verse: God revealed to me that THIS passage, THIS event was in a crowd of BELIEVERS: witnesses of Christ. HELLO?!!! would they not then be called a "race of faith"??
are we not, as believers, a part of that "race" - a different breed, set apart to do His works, descendants of Abraham - the holy chosen???  where we do - as that race - look upon Christ as the example (author and finisher) ?!
Ok.. so did He not just change the dynamics of this passage??? whoa!!! Sure did for me.

Next, verse 3  - alerts us to the fact that NO MATTER how much we suffer in Christ- persecuted by our peers, etc.. HE PAID THE ULTIMATE PRICE. We should not feel discouraged b/c His suffering was beyond our comprehension greater than ours.
Makes my little worries, problems, and playground drama moments feel that much smaller.
***do you not feel peace and joy from that???!!!! ***

The final verses (5-6) come from Proverbs 3.. It's verses 11-12
This verse follows one of my all time, go to verses where God wants us to "lean not on your own understanding, but in all things acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." (5-6)

So, the verses 11-12 in Proverbs directly says when we feel chastened (or simply put: correction) from the Lord, we should delight in it - God is our FATHER and we, as His children, definitely do need direction. PERIOD.

AWESOME MESSAGE!!!!

Uh oh?!!! What's this???
Proverbs 3: 13-18
** I've seen this before.. There's this new up-springing of  Proverbs media. This is a verse commonly used to encourage women to be more virtuous so their husbands find more favor in them..ya know.. a marriage strengthening.. thing **
I'm really sorry, but if I'm going to strive to be a virtuous woman - I'm doing it for the LORD, not to gain a husband...

Still, the verse is God's Word and I read it -- Proverbs 3:13-18

¹³ Happy is the man who finds wisdom,
And the man who gains understanding;
¹⁴ For her proceeds are better than the profits of silver,
And her gain than fine gold.
¹⁵ She is more precious than rubies,
And all the things you may desire cannot compare with her.
¹⁶ Length of days is in her right hand,
In her left hand riches and honor.
¹⁷ Her ways are ways of pleasantness,
And all her paths are peace.
¹⁸ She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her,
And happy are all who retain her.

Do you see what I see ???
Happy is the man who finds WISDOM  & the man who gains understanding. Man, ie MANKIND; being a loose term for a person (doesn't matter woman or man) who finds God's wisdom and understanding is HAPPY. WOW!!!
Now.. wisdom becomes the "she, her" that this verse is speaking of...

Wisdom's proceeds are better than the profits of silver, gain of fine gold, more precious than rubies, and ALL the THINGS you may desire cannot COMPARE with wisdom. So, think of the thing most precious to you. Finding wisdom & understanding in God's Word and Way are even more precious than that!

SHE (wisdom) is the tree of life to those who take hold of her and happy are all who retain her.

SERIOUSLY???!!! Did we not just go ADAM & EVE here???
Did Eve not take of the 'fruit' of the 'tree of life' ? She was NOT supposed to partake of that.. why?? because God had plans for it. Eve rushed God's timing.

Seriously - in Genesis 3 it says

⁶ So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate. ⁷ Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings.
So, shame came from knowing too much too soon!

Knowing right/wrong - understanding God's plan for us -we should obtain all the wisdom from His word we possibly can. We are now permitted and accepted into His way and encouraged to do so.
Jesus made that possible. Eve tried.. but couldn’t fully because it was NOT the right time.

If you finish Genesis 3 you can see - GOD CORRECTS HIS CHILDREN.
He didn't kill them. MIRACLE!! b/c in those days sin = death. no joke!!! Old Testament. VERY gruesome stuff!!!
No, but He allows pain and strife into their life. Why?! So they are exiled from the Garden of Eden (which I believe is in Heaven - it's ok if you don't believe that) for them to fulfill  the holy lineage of Jesus.
TALK ABOUT AMAZING HERITAGE!

²⁰ And Adam called his wife’s name Eve, because she was the mother of all living.

²¹ Also for Adam and his wife the Lord God made tunics of skin, and clothed them.
²² Then the Lord God said, “Behold, the man has become like one of Us, to know good and evil. And now, lest he put out his hand and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live forever”— ²³ therefore the Lord God sent him out of the garden of Eden to till the ground from which he was taken. ²⁴ So He drove out the man; and He placed cherubim at the east of the garden of Eden, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to guard the way to the tree of life.Eve's name - means living..
Why is she the mother of all living? Because she obtained wisdom from the fruit of the tree of life.
Because from her the lineage follows a HOLY DESTINY for Jesus to come and bring salvation.
Because of that lineage we're accessible to eternal LIVING.
B I N G O !!!

**God knew the whole time!**

A good friend of mine spoke at a local church recently.. The title of his message was Thinking Magnificently. It was a challenge to us to thinking BIGGER PICTURE when it comes to God.
We are unable to comprehend it all. His magnitude is so great - there is NO WAY for us to fully understand. However, He does allow us from time to time - feel validated by the messages He brings us in His word. Why?? because His word says so. If it's not there - it's wrong.

Honestly, Lord, could You be any more awesome?!!
Nah.. I think not.

Peace be with you all <3

Great Mystery

I'm still reading Ephesians. It's Paul's letters to the churches of Ephesus.
I was reading Chapter 5 yesterday where he starts the chapter about walking in love in faith.
Gives us examples of walking properly in Christ and what to avoid as Christians so we may keep or guard ourselves from entering into activities that make us stray from the will of God.

Then I got to verses 22-33
This part is titled Marriage - Christ & the Church.  It takes great strength for me to read passages that deal w/ marriage. Really. It's a bit of a thorn in my side, much like Paul describes his thorn (which I believe to be his past as a murderer of Jews). It's a subject that no matter how much you love Christ, no matter how much you've changed, are doing things differently, believe differently, and pray that people just can't seem to leave you alone about it.

That's a thorn.
You know it's there but it only pricks you when you're forced to touch it.

I read through it once - gathered a thought.
Read through a 2nd time - gathered a new thought.
THANK YOU LORD for Your awesome knowledge. I was excited.
For the 1st time in a long time, I read a scripture dealing w/ marriage and didn't feel ashamed or sad or like I should be ashamed that I'm not married and failed miserably to live up to these standards while I was married. **sorry. it's true. I told you--> it's my thorn**
Let me show you what I'm talking about..

Ephesians 5:22-33 (NKJV)
Marriage—Christ and the Church

²² Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
²³ For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.
²⁴ Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, ²⁶ that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, ²⁷ that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. ²⁸ So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.
²⁹ For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. ³⁰ For we are members of His body,^[d] of His flesh and of His bones.
³¹ “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”^[e]
32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. ³³ Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.


Upon 1st reading I see: ok.. husbands, love Christ. He's the head of the household. Wives, love Christ, submit to husbands - because a Godly husband will grow in the Lord with you.
Husbands, act respectable towards your wife, so she may act respectable towards you.
We are members of Christ's body - once we take it on - act like it. Whether individual or coupled. Doesn't matter.

Seems pretty simple right?! Yes. Too simple. I took another look.

In verse 29 - 32 in particular.²⁹ For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.Love yourself. Love the creation that is anew in Christ. You can't love others as the Lord does w/out loving yourself.  Grow your love for Christ and yourself in Him. *this is an instruction more so than just a statement of how Christ loves the church* ³⁰ For we are members of His body,^[d] of His flesh and of His bones.

This means-> He knew me when He hung for me. HE died and was raised up because of ME! We were part of HIM when He completed the mission and shed His blood.

³¹ “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”^[

This is scripture (Old Testament) found in Genesis 2:24.
What I say this 2nd time around was that not only was this scripture about marriage but THIS is Jesus.
ok.. bear with me.. I know it's deep and I may not have all my ducks in a row scripture wise to back it all up but I dug really deep on this one and I can't keep it inside.

man = Jesus, left the Father (Spirit), into the mother (flesh), then left her - into the world as ONE {Spirit + flesh} to strike out and be the One: the King of kings, Lord of lords:::> the HEAD OF THE HOUSEHOLD. (household being the world) **WOW!!**

Basically proclaiming the actual power and might of God the Creator joining the Word(as Spirit) into flesh (as Jesus) and creating a MARRIAGE that is the holiest of all.
Jesus was married!!!!! Jesus was married to the work on earth, His disciples, His followers, and EVERYONE that comes to Him. **HE IS MARRIED TO US**
That was, is, and forever more will be His commitment.  EVERLASTING.
*boom* seriously--did your mind just explode like mine did?!
³² This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

Paul is saying -- look deeper people. This isn't just for an instruction for married people.
It's an understanding for the commitment of Christ.
For this - analogy IS the great mystery. (YES, speaking of Christ & the church.)

**personal note** I felt like exploding. WOW!!! I felt overwhelmingly thankful to be blessed w/ this revealing power in the scripture. I still don't know that I'm 100% accurate on whether this is the way it was meant to be written, but honestly - I felt blessed.

³³ Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.This part made me laugh. I could almost relate to Paul.. like he's saying.. "ok, if you don't get my drift, here's the last bit of info you can take with you so you kinda understand."

"nevertheless" - - meaning, ok.. take this instead.
let each one of you - in particular - (meaning, those this applies to)
love your wife as yourself, let the wife see & respect.
** this also being a reference to Jesus. He being the husband and we should SEE His love and respect the husband, His teachings, and His examples.**

Can I get an AMEN?!!!
I know that it was God that brought this to my attention. Yes, marriage is to be Holy and everlasting commitment and if the husband submit to Christ, the wife submit to husband (and also to Christ) and their relationship will be blessed and etc etc etc..

**this is not the focus I found in this scripture. I was allowed to see it in a whole new way. I was not upset or found myself feeling the same way I used to when coming upon these things. I actually felt excitement! a sense of adventure! and almost a sense of achievement for seeing past the 'thorn' and getting to a real root. THANK YOU GOD!!! **


I pray, Lord, let my mind continue to be open to Your Word so that I may have better understanding and protection against the evil of this world. I pray, Lord, that my actions be pleasing to You and that You reveal to me the people, places, and ways to do Your will according to the plan. _Amen.

Peace be with you all <3