Struggling

I must admit - I am struggling. I've been working a great deal this past week or so. I'm not sleeping the greatest. When I do sleep, I am having strange dreams that make no sense whatsoever. While at work, I'm feeling under pressure and it's had it's moments of chaos now / then. So, basically you can say that it's just been "life". 

This weekend was a special sale at work. It was MADNESS !!! People were crawling out of the woodwork! I saw people I haven't seen in ages !!!  One was a very dear friend of mine in high school. She was my guidance counselor and I haven't seen her since shortly after graduation. She looked awesome !!! She remembered me and I got many hugs from her. It was GREAT to see her. She kept asking me, "How are you?" I kept saying, "I am well." with a smile. "Are you sure?" she said. LOL!! Even after all these years - She's still the very same. Always looking out for her "kids" ;)

Saturday, I was not on register. THIS MADE ME HAPPY !!!! I was outside all day doing a demonstration w/ a propane smoker. My partner for that was a co-worker from our warehouse. We spent the day (in between customers) chatting about a lovely variety of things. It was so nice having something different to talk about !! Oversees travel, history, cooking, and some of the luxuries of collecting antiques, books, and finer items like china, silver, and etc.. were all areas that just made the day go fast & enjoyable. I'm strive to be a simple country girl but the idea of world travel and these things mentioned above just tickle me to pieces. On the outside, I'm just a redneck gal w/ a 'help yourself' attitude, cooking up venison and mashed potatoes. On the inside, DEEP inside that mostly stays hidden there's a gal that would L O V E to set the table w/ linens and china and serve a delicious gourmet style meal and entertain / host a get together of the fancier variety. Crazy, isn't it ?! Yeah.. it is. ha ha !

Oh gosh ! yes.. I almost forgot to mention. One of my favorite (newly local) characters was in to the store. She approached me, as usual, with a smile & we chatted & giggled. Suddenly, she springs one on me. "I wrote a book", she says. *jaw drops* Really ?! That's great ! How does one acquire such a thing? I'd like to read it ! "Hang on" she says. Well.. a short while later she produces a lovely paperback copy of "His Eye Is On The Sparrow" *jaw drops* It's gorgeous! I read the back cover and was instantly absorbed. I hand her a pen to sign it for me.  She writes a lovely message in the front, along w/ her phone number, and smiles / giggles when handing it back to me.  She said, "Call me when you're ready to pull something together. I'll help you for your book."  **more on this in the next paragraph**
She's such a DEAR ! I mean.. honestly & truly. You see.. there's a story in her. She's currently been urged to write her life. She has told me bits here / there. Honestly, I'm surprised. To look at her, be around her, and spend time w/ her - YOU WOULD NEVER GUESS SOME OF WHAT SHE'S BEEN THROUGH! She noticed the same in me and before I knew it - I spilled my guts on my idea for writing a book. God knows what's He's doing bringing people to places, other people, and communities etc.. for the RIGHT reasons at the RIGHT times. "It's a good idea. You need to do that." she says. I stood there, jaw dropped (AGAIN) and shaking my head. I told her that I'll be praying for her, her new book, and the possibility / potential that it may hold for her & for those that read it. A total God moment. Another solid confirmation that I'm His servant, in the right place, and at the right time.

You see.. part of me has been wanting to write a book for a very long time. I usually talk myself out of it or think myself out of it. Lately, I've had a little.. well.. light encouragement / pushing to actually do it. A friend that's recently published & working on book #2 said, "Go for it ! If you need help, let me know. " Two people (fb friends / family from growing up ) have BOTH been blessed w/ an opportunity for their writing to be published (grand scale) recently. ONE has a book available on Amazon!!!  I've always prayed for their efforts to be a success. The other is still working on hers. I truly rejoice for their successes !!!

My book .. well.. it's mostly an idea. I really want to do it. I like writing. It comes rather naturally to me. My style of writing is basically just typing as if I'm talking to someone. I'm sure grammatically and punctuation wise it's horrible, but hey.. it gets the job DONE! LOL!!!  I feel a little guilty though because I haven't publicly come out and said about this desire or anything. I really would hate for someone that I care about, that's working hard on progressing their own work to think I'm doing this / having this idea / trying just to spite them, their efforts, and steal their thunder.  So.. for now.. my blog is where it's at. The book idea.. is just that.. an IDEA. I may try to pull a few things together here / there but I won't act on it until I get a 100% sound, safe and solid 100% green light "go for it".

This is why I haven't blogged in about a week. I felt guilty. I was so blasted excited in thinking I could do something. Then, I just stopped. I just honest to goodness said "no. I'm not going to do it. I just can't. It's not worth it. There's no need." So.. that's what I did. 

I know God is working. I know He's got a plan. What it is - I still am not sure but He's been telling me that I need to be where I am. I need to be at Cole's working w/ the people I do, for the customers that I know / love .. regulars & new, live in Mifflinburg w/ the community of people that are a lovely variety, and continue to do what I'm doing. Bloom where I'm planted. I'm listening. I'm waiting.

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart". Jeremiah 29:11,13

"Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know." Jeremiah 33:3

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 2:5-6

ALL THREE OF THESE VERSES have come to me from NEW places this week. All three are special verses to me. I have them written / memorized / hanging in almost every corner of my house. I know God is telling me to stay strong, hang in there, and be patient. Good things are happening.. I just might not see it.